Scroll down to the second photo in this post. The groom is wiping away a tear as his bride comes down the aisle, and right there in the front row is a guest in a blue shirt holding up his phone ABOVE everyone else. Now, for the most part, people aren’t doing things maliciously. Most of the time, they’re just really happy for the couple and want to be a part of the action (in a good way). Unfortunately for everyone, however, it’s still really annoying and ruining photos.
If you’re anything like me, you read through a lot of different forums, Q&A’s, vent sessions, etc. And one topic comes up more than others: what guests can and can’t do with their phones at a wedding. I’ve saved SO MANY threads about this subject because there are endless scenarios of guests ruining a couple’s wedding photos, and the same ten things come up over and over. For each one, you’ll get both sides: what to do if you’re the couple, and what to be aware of if you’re the guest in row four with your phone in your lap.
Don’t lean into the aisle. Save the phone pics for the recessional! If the couple requested an unplugged ceremony, leave your phone in your purse. No camera flashes, ever. Hold off on social media posts until the couple has shared theirs. No dress photos before she walks down the aisle. Keep the couple’s first look private. Be efficient at family formals. Stand clear to let everyone see the first dance. Don’t block the couple when they exit. Send unflattering photos to the couple instead of posting them.
1. Don’t Step Into the Aisle, Even for One Second
The aisle is sacred. The aisle belongs to the photographer and the bride (duh, it’s the shot where she walks down it). And yet, we see it time and time again: elbows and iPhone cases in these one-time, irreplaceable photos.
A wedding photographer told this story about a guest who leaned out anyway: “I had a woman once lean out into the aisle for her own phone photos. The couple had an unplugged ceremony sign, it was in their program, and the officiant had announced it. I coughed when she did it, and she turned around and said to me “It’s okay that I’m doing this i’m the bride’s great aunt.”” One bride lost her videographer’s shot of her husband seeing her for the first time the same way: “an uninvited guest showed up, sat 3 rows from the front in the aisle seat, used her phone the whole time and ruined the videographers “first look” of my husband seeing me down the aisle by leaning out with her phone.”
If you’re the couple: discuss it with your ushers so they can give people a heads up as they seat them. One groom who went unplugged said, “We had a ton of reminders. And asked the ushers to gently give reminders as needed.” Not sure who walks when? Our guide to the wedding processional order lays it out.
If you’re a guest: if you have an aisle seat, sit up STRAIGHT and lean back, not out. Your photo would have been a blurry back-of-the-veil shot anyway.
2. Phones Down During the Ceremony (Yes, That Includes You)
Wedding photographers have been complaining about this one since…at least 2018 (that’s when we asked a group of them what they wished brides knew). It doesn’t matter if the couple asks for an unplugged ceremony. Phones come out. One bride planning hers put it plainly: “I just don’t want the ipad in the shot, the guy cutting off my photographer trying to get a shot, etc etc.” And a photographer who shoots a lot of weddings sees it anyway: “Every wedding I’ve worked in the past few years has had an “unplugged” sign and instructions from the officiant, and 100% at least one guest has their phone (or tablet!!) up there.”
“Some people will blatantly ignore an unplugged ask because no one is going to tell them what they can’t do,” one guest wrote, after watching a groom’s family photograph straight through a Catholic Mass.
If you’re the couple: some couples choose an unplugged ceremony and let everyone know on their wedding website. If that’s you, do so! However, consider also posting a sign in your venue (like the chalkboard at the top of this post) and having your officiant mention it, too. Redundancy is your friend! One bride did all of that: “we did signs, officiant mention, and a note in the invites. people still took photos lol but most respected it.” Known phone fiends in the family? Have another family member speak with them personally. Same bride, same wedding: “we had my brother casually go talk to her before it started, just ‘hey they really want clean photos, can you keep that tucked away?’ no drama, she was fine.”
A compromise we LOVE: this couple let guests take pictures at the altar for about a minute (while Jeopardy music played), and after that, phones went back into purses. “We figured people might want a photo of us at the altar so we did a photo minute. We had our officiant request phones be put away until a designated photo moment at the altar. We even had jeopardy music for the minute which our guests found funny.”
From a bride who wrote it into the start of her ceremony: “our photographer will capture how it looks we want you to capture how it feels.” A blunter version another couple’s officiant used: “Suzy and John paid a lot of money for their lovely photographer today, so no need to have your phone out and please just be present in the moment.” And a DJ who runs ceremony sound says he announces it at 15, 10, 5 and 2 minutes before the processional: “when those photos come back, they’d rather see your faces than your phones and cameras… so we ask that you silence and stow all devices for the entirety of the ceremony.”
If you’re a guest: when there’s a sign, it means you. One guest who had just been to an unplugged wedding admitted, “I think people are confused by “unplugged”(…like oh that can’t mean me!)” While we all want to take pics during the ceremony, save them for after the couple exits. They’ll get plenty of action shots of you clapping, shedding happy tears and whooping it up!
3. Turn the Flash Off Before You Sit Down
You wouldn’t believe how many photographers complain about ceremony pictures being overexposed from phone flashes going off, especially in dim churches, or receptions where the lighting is nice and moody (candlelight!). A photographer who shoots weddings on the side said it happens constantly: “Many time family members jump in and ruin an amazing shot. Or their flash makes everything overexposed.”
The problem is that most people don’t know their flash is on. One bride explained it to her future mother-in-law this way: “almost all the phones will be set to AUTO, which means they’re pretty much guaranteed to flash indoors. And most people won’t know how to change the flash setting on the phone, so all it takes is ONE well-meaning technologically challenged guest to try to snap a picture of your first dance, and PRESTO, your photographer’s shot is ruined.” Yikes!
If you’re the couple: if you want guests to be able to pull out their phones during the reception (cake cutting pictures are cute!), have the DJ announce it, or include “no flash, please” on a cute sign. Just a heads-up goes a long way, and will save your photographer’s sanity.
If you’re a guest: before you sit down, pull up your camera app and tap the little lightning bolt (top left corner on an iPhone) and turn it OFF. In a dim church or a candlelit reception, Auto means on.
4. Let the Couple Post First
One bride who went to bed happy woke up to a surprise: “I didn’t really make any rules, but considering my sister-in-law posted all of our wedding photos on the wedding night, maybe I should have.” We’ve heard everything when it comes to this topic. Some couples are totally fine with (and even encourage!) guests posting right away: “I fully expect our guests to post our wedding before we do. Cause then the next morning when we get up we get to relive one of our favorite days all over again(:” Others would prefer to be the first to announce the nuptials, whether because they’re not huge social media people or because they feel it’s THEIR news to share: “I think the one thing I’m most worried about is someone posting my day to socials before I get the chance to. I’m not a huge social media user, but I’d like to be the first person to post about my wedding and my dress etc.”
If you’re the couple: we think it’s a lovely (and optional) idea to let people know you appreciate guests wanting to share the love, and would prefer that they hold off until you’ve had a chance to. One polite sentence on your website is all it takes. Maybe something along the lines of “We can’t wait to see your photos, we just ask that you hold them until after we’ve shared ours.” And keep it a request. As one of the most-upvoted comments in a thread about wedding rules put it, “do you really want to get into a fight with your aunt who posted a photo on Facebook?” We cover who gets to post first in our wedding etiquette rules every guest should know.
If you’re a guest: wait to post until after the couple has (including Stories!). In the meantime you’re more than welcome to text pictures to the happy duo.
5. No Dress Photos Until She’s Walked Down the Aisle
Imagine a bridesmaid takes a cute mirror selfie in the getting-ready suite, only to post it by 2 p.m. Next thing you know, the groom is walking down a hotel hallway and glimpses his future wife’s wedding dress on a cracked iPhone screen. It can be SO hard for bridal parties to resist sharing the cutest pictures they take while you’re getting ready. One bridesmaid admitted what every bride already knows: “your girls will take lots of pictures whether you ask them to or not!”
If you’re the couple: that first glance down the aisle is so special that we recommend mentioning on the morning of the wedding (especially brides to their moms, LOL) NOT to post any pictures revealing the dress until after the ceremony. Phones out in the suite are fine. Posting is not.
If you’re a guest (or a bridesmaid): if you caught a pic of the bride before she made her way down the aisle, hold off on sharing until later. It’ll be a great throwback.
6. The First Look Is Not a Spectator Event
In my Smart Wedding Planner I wrote that we had a first look, and they are my favorite pictures from the entire day! These days most couples have one, and it used to be that you would NEVER dream of seeing your partner until the walk down the aisle. First looks are a private moment. That means just you two (and of course the photographer). Not your bridesmaids. Not your mothers. Not your wandering aunt with her phone.
When I interviewed New York photographer Jon Lemon for my planner, he said the whole point is “Carving out a private moment for that to unfold.” He went on: “They might have 10 friends that are hanging around with them for the wedding day, going through the process. And if I can just pull them to the side to have, a couple of minutes where it’s just them, they have a little space to talk to each other quietly and whisper a few things.” Many couples take advantage of this private time to read their private vows. As one photographer on Reddit put it, “Most of my couples who want to do private vows do theirs during their first look, and it’s a really sweet and intimate time for them! The photographer and videographer are there to capture it, as well, but no one else is there.”
If you’re the couple: tell your wedding party where you’ll be having your first look photos taken and let them know this area is closed. Still deciding? We go through the pros and cons in should you have a first look.
If you’re a guest (or a bridesmaid): if you come around a corner and see the photographer, a veil and nobody else, keep walking. Enjoy the photos another time!
7. Let the Photographer Run the Family Photos
Group photos are hectic! Everyone needs to be looking at the same place. You have about 20 minutes tops to get as many groups together as you can, and it’s usually the loudest part of the day. I promise that your photographer has seen it all. They will get all the groups in the shortest time possible, but they need everyone looking at their camera, and if guests are pulling out their own phones it takes longer, because people look at the phones rather than at the photographer. One photographer described it: “When there’s a friend or relative with a digi camera and everyone then just poses for the small digi cam instead of the photographer they paid to be there, then you’re editing the photos and no one is looking at your camera”. Another has watched relatives do it on purpose: “I can’t tell you how many “Uncle Bob”s I’ve had intentionally walk in front of me to block my shots because they wanted the better angle.”
The good news is that an experienced photographer is used to it. “If anyone gets in my way I either adapt, and nobody ever knows, or I politely let them know they are in my way,” one wrote.
If you’re the couple: let your photographer take charge! Then appoint your loudest family member to herding cats duty (you know who they are!). Give them the list of photos and let them loose while you make it through this before cocktail hour. (Our post on wedding timeline mistakes that will ruin your photos covers how much time to leave for it.)
If you’re a guest: leave the phone camera in your pocket. If you absolutely must take a photo, wait until a group portrait is taken, but eyes on the photographer’s lens until then!
8. Watch the First Dance With Your Eyes
Even if you have an unplugged ceremony, you may be horrified to flip through your reception photos and see half your guests hidden behind a phone. One couple who went unplugged for the ceremony only said, “We do have tons of bad photos of people hidden behind cell phones at the reception…but there’s only so much you can do.” Another bride heard it from her guests afterward: “What I have heard back is how people have shots of them at the reception holding cameras and they are disappointed because them holding a camera ruined an otherwise nice photo of them.” A photographer who got an earful from a mother of the groom at a cake cutting added, “Wish people enjoyed the wedding more and snapped less. specially as 99% of guests photos taken never end up shared on social media. theyre basically lost”.
If you’re the couple: designate certain times during your reception when it’s fine for guests to take photos (the grand entrance, the dance floor) and certain times when the phones go back in pockets (the first dance, the toasts, the cake). One bride planning the same thing said she would “hate for people to miss the main events such as speeches, first dance,etc, because of being on their phones.” Your DJ is a seasoned professional. Leave it to them to politely inform the masses when they should (and shouldn’t) whip out their cameras.
If you’re a guest: take one video of the first dance, take one photo, and enjoy the moment! Toasts are nerve-wracking enough to deliver, and the speaker will do better without a camera in their face. You can bet that any shaky first dance video won’t be rewatched anytime soon.
9. Stay Behind the Line at the Sparkler Exit
Every send-off photo you’ve ever loved has two straight lines of guests in it. Every send-off photo that got cut from the gallery has one guest who stepped into the middle to film the couple coming toward him. In my planner’s timeline, the wedding exit gets 5 minutes, and the note next to it says to give out any supplies to guests, like sparklers or bubbles, 5 minutes before. That’s also the window your coordinator uses to corral the sparkler lines, so make use of it.
If you’re the couple: when it comes time for the exit, make sure your wedding coordinator or DJ tells people they need two straight lines and no crossing the tunnel to get a better sparkler photo. Sometimes couples do a practice exit for pictures. If so, limit it to one, as one guest who stood through several said: “sometimes they make guests do the fake exit multiple times for multiple shots/video and then everyone pretty much leaves shortly after.” If you want ideas for the send-off itself, we rounded up 10 wedding exits guests will always remember.
If you’re a guest: stand in your line and hold your phone low to get a video instead of stepping in front of the couple. Trust me, the pro pic ends up being a picture of your left shoulder with a glowing white rectangle (your phone) instead of a couple.
10. Send the Bad Ones to the Couple, Not to Instagram
A bride described the first photo of her wedding that anyone saw: “a guest took a selfie with both of us and tagged us in it right at the beginning of the reception so that was the first photo anyone saw of us at our wedding and wasn’t the most flattering, which also bums me out.” It does happen that an unflattering photo of you makes the rounds before the professional pictures are released, and I’m sure no couple wants the photos they paid for to be overshadowed by a mid-bite, mid-blink, mid-cry photo that went up first.
If you’re the couple: tell people to share photos via some outlet that you control. You can create a public hashtag (many couples do this, and our hashtag post walks you through a good one) or a private shared album, as one bride did: “We ended up having about 35-40 people upload multiple photos/videos out an 85 person wedding, so we were very happy with that result overall and got some really fun shots!”
If you’re a guest: before you tag the couple in anything, look at it the way their mother would. If you must document every moment, text them the photo instead of posting it. They’ll decide.
Do You Have to Go Fully Unplugged?
This is purely up to the couple and depends on a few things. Do you have 40 guests? Did you hire a video team? How badly do you want to see yourselves exchanging vows, and I mean right now? One bride who skipped the unplugged ceremony said it had “zero impact on my day, my guests got a lot of great photos, everyone had a good time.” Another regretted asking: “I thought I would prefer people not taking pictures, but I didn’t get any videos of the ceremony and we got our photos 12 weeks after the wedding, which felt like an eternity!” (She had 40 guests and no videographer, which is the case where guest videos matter most.)
What if your guests insist on snapping away despite your unplugged wishes? The most popular answer in a thread about exactly that: “The most you can (or should) do is have an unplugged sign and/or have your officiant make an announcement at the beginning of the ceremony and then roll with whatever happens. I can’t even imagine someone trying to make their guests put their phones in special bags or making them use lens caps. It’s a wedding, not a Dave Chapelle show.”
I like the idea of an unplugged ceremony but opening that up during the cocktail hour and reception, as long as it’s spelled out somewhere. The easiest place is the FAQ page on your website. In my Smart Wedding Planner I tell couples that your wedding website should include all sorts of fun information, including the story of how you two met, your wedding weekend itinerary, where you’re registered at, wedding party bios, fun things to do around town for visiting guests, as well as a FAQ page. That FAQ page is an easy spot to include whether or not guests can take pictures and videos (yes at the reception, please don’t at the ceremony). And what are the worriers entitled to expect in the way of pics? You can generally expect to receive one edited photo per minute of coverage from your photographer, so just under 500 photos for an eight-hour day, and not one of them will have an iPad in it.
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