I’ve run this site for the past 15+ years, and I will openly confess this: I sometimes have no idea how much I should give a couple getting married. A big part of this is because, yes, you should give what YOU feel comfortable with, and that number is going to be different for all of us. It also depends on who is getting married, how close you are to them, and so forth and so on. But that doesn’t stop this question from coming up again and again. Yes, even from me! So I wanted to attempt to make a guide that we can all use today, especially as we approach the most popular wedding months!
So here are the numbers from The Knot, Zola and the Emily Post Institute, plus what guests told Reddit they actually put in the envelope. We’ve included a quick-glance table, but we also dig into what factors might come into play for you and the couple getting married farther down in the article. We also talk about the best way to actually give them the gift. Because you don’t always have to give cash! These numbers and figures apply to any gift you give, whether it’s via a physical gift or cash. So, let dig into it!
1. How Much Should You Give for a Wedding Gift in 2026?
The Knot’s Guest Study puts the average wedding gift at $150. Zola’s 2026 First Look Report (a survey of more than 11,500 couples) lands at $130, with most guests spending between $100 and $150 per person. When I interviewed Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute for our etiquette series, even she ball parked the typical present as “what’s probably a $50 to $150 gift.”
Your zip code and your circle move those averages a LOT. A guest in the Midwest laid out her family’s unwritten rule: “Midwestern middle class norm (?) Family (cousins, etc) -$100 Friends- $100 Close friends – $200 Siblings – $250 Doesn’t include shower gifts or bachelorette party gifts either.” A bride from a smaller wedding: “My standard gift amount for a wedding is between $50-$150. The largest gift we got for our wedding was $300 and that was from some extremely wealthy relatives.” And in the New York area? “our standard for other nyc weddings is $500 (sometimes more, depending how close). Weddings are just so incredibly expensive here.”
This was echoed by another gift-giver:
“I always struggled with this! I’m in the NYC metro, where weddings are super expensive. The amount has varied depending on our income and relationship with the couple. When we were younger and made less, we usually gifted $200-250 from the both of us. Now we gift $300 to friends, $400 to close friends, $500 to close family.”
Our take: if $100 is comfortable, $100 is right. If the couple is your sister, you already know it’s more.
2. Do You Really Have to “Cover Your Plate”?
The Emily Post Institute took this one on in a 2025 post about wedding gifts and called it “not something we recommend or require.” Guests are over it too. “Also unless someone got married recently no one knows what their ‘plate’ costs, it’s a weird rule of thumb,” one commenter wrote. Another put the host’s side of it plainly: “Basically, you are hosting a party. You chose to host the party based on your budget, no one else’s. It is not up to your guests to subsidize it if you chose to throw a party you can’t afford.”
The math has stopped math-ing anyway. One bride pointed out, “I don’t think $100-$150 covers a plate anymore. At least not in the north east.” Her Monday wedding ran $185 a plate plus a 22 percent service fee. We put “cover your plate” on our list of outdated wedding etiquette rules in 2026 for exactly this reason.
3. Cash, Check, or Venmo: Which Is Best for a Wedding Gift?
All three are fine. Checks win on safety, and one couple’s story is why: “a hotel employee broke into the room while we were at the afterparty. He took a little over half the cards which wound up being about $5k in cash and twice that in checks. We recovered all the check funds as we told people what happened but the cash is essentially lost.”
If you write a check, one guest has the tip we now use every time: “It’s also good to write the check to both names with ‘OR’ between them, that way either person can deposit it and they don’t have to be physically together to do so.” Do not assume a name change, either. A bride shared, “My husband had to cash everything but 1 check because everyone wrote Mr. And Mrs. ___ when I’m not changing my name.”
Venmo and Zelle are fine when the couple has invited it, and more couples are (see the card above). One guest’s rule: “If they put their Venmo info on their website, that suggests that’s their preference and I’d go with that. If you would have to ask for their Venmo, I’d do a check made out to ‘Person 1 OR Person 2’ instead, one less question for the couple to field right before the wedding.”
A lot of couples will make it easy for you and put their preference on their wedding website/registry page, which can often be a cash fund or a honeymoon fund. You can read more about those here.
4. If You Bring a Plus-One, Do You Give Two Gifts?
One gift, from both of you. When a plus-one asked Reddit, the answer was unanimous: “+1s don’t give separate gifts. The main guest gives one on behalf of both of you. You might sign your name in the card, but that’s about the extent of your involvement in this.”
The amount does scale up. “I got married two years ago, average gift was $100-$150 per person attending. So single friends gave around $100, couples $200, families $300-$500 etc.” (Couples, we covered whether you have to give guests a plus one.)
5. Do Bridesmaids and Groomsmen Still Give a Wedding Gift?
One bridesmaid’s total came to “nearly $5k between bachelorette and my husband and I attending the wedding.” Brides said they did not expect a thing on top of that. “I didn’t expect any sort of gift from my bridesmaids. 2 gave us $25-$50, and the other one went in with her mom to buy us an air fryer. That was all more than I was expecting.” Another: “My bridesmaids didn’t get me a gift and I was absolutely fine. They spent a fair amount of $$$ for the wedding and events leading up to it and that was the best gift I could ask for.”
The best one-line rule came from a guest answering a nervous bridesmaid:
I think gifts make sense when two conditions are met: that they are given with genuine appreciation to the person receiving it, and that the gift doesn’t put a strain on the giver in any way.
a guest on Reddit
Lizzie Post said the same thing to me from the couple’s side: “you never want to force someone to go over their budget. It’s a really inconsiderate and disrespectful thing to try to do to your friends to demand that of them.” Then she went one step further: “You don’t want your wedding prohibiting someone else’s life.”
A card with a handwritten note, or something small and personal, is plenty. A former maid of honor did exactly that: “I got her a custom gift on Etsy (coasters with their names and wedding date). It was inexpensive (less than $50) and they loved them!” For the full breakdown of who pays for what in the wedding party, see our bridesmaids who pays for what guide.
6. Do You Send a Gift If You’re Not Going to the Wedding?
Old-school etiquette says yes, and the Emily Post Institute still lists a gift as expected when you decline. Lizzie was refreshingly human about it when I asked her:
I know myself I’ve forgotten a couple over the years and I’m still punishing myself for it, really should just send the darn gift.
Lizzie Post, The Emily Post Institute
She also took the pressure off the amount: “I think it’s also important to remember, you don’t have to send something off the registry. You don’t have to send something that’s big and expensive. And so it can be something small and sentimental to mark the occasion.”
Guests split on this, and the split is about how close you are to the couple. A recent bride said: “I give the same amount either way- I’m giving because I’m celebrating the couple, not to ‘pay for my plate.’ As someone who just got married last year though, I was thrilled when guests who didn’t attend sent anything at all! Many did not.” On the other end, a guest invited by a groom’s mother to the wedding of someone she hadn’t seen in two decades got this advice: “In this situation I would RSVP promptly to decline and send a congratulations card to arrive right after the wedding. I wouldn’t give a gift for someone I’m not close to and haven’t seen in 20 years.”
7. Do You Have to Give a Shower Gift AND a Wedding Gift?
Traditionally, yes, and the shower gift is the physical one. “Apparently this varies by region, but growing up on the East Coast, I learned that – yes – you give a physical gift at the shower (because you’re showering the bride in gifts) and then you give another gift (physical or cash) at the wedding. That said, a gift is always optional.”
Zola’s guidance is the 20-20-60 rule: about 20 percent of your total gift budget on the engagement party, 20 percent on the shower, and 60 percent on the wedding. Plenty of brides don’t count that closely. “As a bride, if you did a present at my shower, I don’t at all expect one at my wedding. At least in my family, it’s one of the other, and almost never both.”
Etiquette says: the shower is the one event where showing up empty-handed is noticed. “If you go to the shower, you do need to bring a gift. It doesn’t have to be a lot.”
8. Does Travel Count as the Gift at a Destination Wedding?
Lizzie Post told me “most weddings today are destinations for a lot of the guests who are coming,” which is exactly why couples have started saying it out loud. “Every destination wedding I have been to, the couple has said they don’t expect anyone to give gifts as they have already paid for travel.”
Zola’s position is that a gift is still proper, even at a destination wedding, though it can be smaller. Guests agree on the smaller part. One wrote, “For me, that has been <$100 gift when I’ve had to make extensive travel plans.” Another was blunter: “I’m going to a destination wedding that’s going to cost me like $7000 to attend so I’m not giving a gift at all. My presence is a present!”
A heartfelt card plus whatever you can comfortably add IS the gift. (We broke down how much the average wedding guest spends if you want to see where the money goes.)
9. What If You Can’t Afford a Wedding Gift Right Now?
You have company. LendingTree asked more than 2,000 people about this in 2024:
One guest’s story stuck with us: “one wedding when my husband and I were 20 (and I just finished nursing school/about to take the boards so flat broke) I gave $20 for the wedding gift and honestly was difficult to give that as it was our grocery money for the following week.” Nobody at that wedding remembers the $20. They remember she came.
The advice to a guest who had spent $900 on travel and had nothing left: “Unless they’re really terrible people, I would hope they’re inviting you because they want you to be there rather than because they think you’ll pony up for that crystal punch bowl that they’ll never use.” And a kind fix from the etiquette crowd: “If you are in a rough spot, no gift necessary! Your presence is the gift. Get a card and make all family members thoughtfully write something. If things get better, get them something for their 1 year anniversary (spa or restaurant gift card).”
Say this, in the card: “We are so happy for you both. Dinner on us when you’re back from the honeymoon.” Then actually take them to dinner.
10. Everything on the Registry Is Over $200. What Do You Do?
If the couple didn’t get the memo that you should register for a gifts in a wide-range of budgets, you have three outs. First, a group gift. “I’d see if the other bridesmaids wanna do a group gift. 6 of us contributed to an item on the registry each paying about $30.” Our wedding gift etiquette dos and don’ts covers the group-gift logistics.
Second, shop the registry’s brands. “Registered for 4 napkins? Buy them more or buy something in the same product line.” Third, go off-registry with something useful and inexpensive (our wedding gift ideas for every budget has the under-$50 picks we’d bring). One etiquette regular’s rule: “A registry is supposed to have gift ideas across a range of prices to help people who can’t decide what to purchase on their own. It’s not supposed to be an opportunity to cash in at the expense of your friends and family.”
11. How Long Do You Have to Send a Wedding Gift?
The Emily Post Institute says the old year-long window “has long been put to bed.” Their current guidance is within three months of the wedding.
The year rule still floats around Reddit, and guests use it as a pressure valve: “One, you have up to a year to get the couple a gift (and I even got a couple gifts later than that). So if is really important to you, just send them something later when you have the cash.” Another guest, answering someone whose finances were about to change: “Wedding gifts don’t have to be sent right away. It can be months down the road. So don’t be in a rush if you think your financial situation may change.”
Etiquette says: three months. Guests say: late beats never, and a card at the wedding buys you time. (Couples, the same three-month clock runs on your thank-you notes. Our guide to wedding thank you cards has the script.)
12. Should You Tip the Bartender at an Open Bar?
At an open bar, the couple has already tipped (our wedding tipping guide covers their side). Lizzie Post was firm with me on this: “Another thing to watch out for is the tip jar. And you don’t want the catering service or the bartenders to be utilizing a tip jar. You, as the host are responsible for that.” And for guests: “your guests should never feel pressured to have to tip for those drinks. You, the host are covering that part of the cost.” Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman told Fox News this spring, “I do not like a tip jar present at a wedding unless it’s a cash bar.”
You might still see one. “This might be regional. I’ve been to 10+ weddings in the last 2-3 years. Every single one of them had a QR code for tips/tip jar on the bar.” Guests handle it a few ways. “I always bring cash anyways to tip, but really, as a host, it’s your job to tip the bartenders.” One couple solved it at the contract stage: “the wait staff and bartenders could either: (A) Not accept gratuities from our guests, no tip jars, etc and have a sign at each bar saying ‘Thank you, the gratuity has been paid by the bride and groom’ or (B) Not take a gratuity from us.”
A CASH bar is a different story: you’re a bar customer now, so tip like one. And couples, please say so on the website. “Nothing would suck more than showing up to a cash bar with no cash on you when you just want a glass of wine.” One guest admitted the cash bar changes her math: “I would give a lot less of a cash gift if it was a cash bar too (since I would be covering my own drinks).”
13. Can You Skip the Bachelorette Because It Costs Too Much?
Yes. A bachelorette party is not a summons. “It’s normal for guests to pay for themselves, and sometimes everybody pays a bit extra to also cover the brides portion (usually the case if MOH or someone else is planning it).” What is not normal is being handed a total after the fact. “It’s normal for those attending to cover their own costs and to chip in for the bride, but it’s inconsiderate to just ‘drop costs’ without making sure everyone attending is comfortable with all anticipated costs per head.”
If the trip is out of reach, say so early. “If it’s out of your budget to attend the bachelorette party then don’t go. It’s not compulsory.” One bridesmaid decided where her money would do the most good: “if we are going to spend a lot of money on only the bachelorette, i rather not go and give her that money on the wedding day.”
Say this: “I can’t swing the trip, but I’ll be front row at the ceremony.” (We priced out what a bachelorette party costs if you need ammunition.)
14. The Invitation Says “No Gifts.” Do They Mean It?
They mean it, but, spoiler alert, people bring gifts anyway. A bride who asked for nothing: “We actually didn’t have a registry and said no gifts of any sort are needed/expected as we had somewhat destination wedding (the majority of the guests had to travel). But my planner recommended still putting a small box for the cards. It turned out so many guests still gave us cash gifts along with the cards.” Another couple with 20 guests got about $3,000 in gifts “despite asking for no gifts.”
So take “no gifts” at face value if you need to. A bride who wrote it on her own invitations explained why: “I had a destination wedding when I was 24, and I told all of my guests no gift, as I already knew that attending was costing them a lot. I don’t think it’s necessary to give a gift if it’s not something you can really manage to spend right now.” Older relatives, for the record, mostly ignore the instruction. “My mom almost got mad at me for putting ‘your presence is enough of a gift for us’ on our registry page. She was adamant we shouldn’t just have cash funds. Apparently some older folks really like giving stuff.”
15. Do You Give a Gift for a Second Wedding, an Elopement Party, or a Reception Months Later?
A second marriage is a wedding, despite some more old-fashioned views that existed in the past. “…in my grandma’s generation 2nd+ time brides weren’t supposed to wear white, or wear veils, the wedding wouldn’t be as fancy, gifts might be smaller, no shower, etc. but that was a long time ago. now I think the judgment is gone and loved ones are happy to celebrate!”
The reception a year or two after a courthouse wedding is the one people ask about. “We missed a friend’s covid wedding and gave them a cash gift at their reception a couple years later.” Lizzie Post told me it’s “a weighty thing to start throwing more parties where people are like, wait, do I have to get gifts for every reception? How many receptions are there going to be?” (Our guide to who’s invited to what wedding event walks through every one of these tiers.)
And here’s one piece of advice to close with. A gift is a gift, and it will (and should) be appreciated no matter what. Give the amount that you feel comfortable giving. End of story.
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