If you haven’t noticed by now, almost every wedding article, checklist, and Pinterest pin out there is written for the bride. If you’re the groom, you mostly get “show up and don’t lose the ring.” LOL. So this one’s for all you grooms out there.
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Instead of writing it myself, I went straight to my husband Cory for the details! And we’re asking all the tough questions of him as well as finding gems from other grooms.
Because yes, grooms might put on a tough guy act, but there’s usually more to the story. And they have tips for other grooms to help make the day even easier and more memorable.
It’s OK to Be Nervous
The first question I asked Cory for this was it he was nervous on the day-of. His answer sort of surprised me!
On the morning of, he swore he wasn’t nervous, but looking back, he tells a different story.
“At the time I didn’t think I was nervous, but when I look back I definitely was. And it wasn’t because of the commitment, it was more about handling the ceremony, the dance, all the choreographed things that go on during a wedding in front of a room full of people. I was mostly nervous about getting it all right.”
— Cory, my husband
I’d add that it’s normal to be nervous. We all are! Especially if you’re more introverted, it can be a lot. So take a deep breath and know you’re there to have one of the best days of your life.
Eat a Real Meal, Hydrate, and Pace the Booze
This is the one that cam spell disaster for brides AND grooms: you forget to eat, your friends hand you a drink at 11 a.m., and you hit the altar running on champagne and adrenaline. If you remember nothing else, it’s to eat real meals and keep water close all day.
“I brought a water bottle I tucked aside throughout the day. I was told it’s super common to forget to drink water on your wedding day so I had a big one nearby at all times for my wife and I. It was a life saver.”
— via Reddit.com
Liquid I.V. Hydration Multiplier
Your secret weapon against an open bar. A packet mixed into water before the ceremony (and one before bed after the rehearsal dinner) is the difference between a groom who’s glowing in the reception photos and one who’s gray. Toss a few in your bag, they dissolve into any water bottle and nobody has to know.
When my husband got married, he skipped the day-of drinking entirely, and he said he’s glad he did. “Some grooms are tempted to grab a beer or a shot to calm the nerves, but that never crossed my mind,” he told me. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy a glass of the good stuff. I just didn’t want to taint the day, and I knew there was going to be plenty of imbibing after the ceremony.”
Put Your Vows Somewhere That Isn’t Your Phone
If you’re writing your own vows, write them in something you’d be happy to see in your photos. A phone looks like you’re checking email, and printer paper shakes when your hands do, but a small vow book or notecards won’t give you away.
“I think it’s great when grooms remember to write vows in a little notebook to avoid the floppy 8.5×11″ sheet of printer paper or (god please no) reading off their phone.”
— via Reddit.com
Don’t forget: Practice them out loud a few times so you’re not reading word for word, and start early. If you need a jumping-off point, our list of wedding vows for him is a good place to start.
Don’t Get Dressed Too Early
It’s tempting to suit up the second you’re ready, but a few hours in a jacket before photos means wrinkles, sweat, and a wilted look by the time it counts. Get fully dressed about 30 to 45 minutes before photos start. While you’re at it, shave a day early instead of the morning of.
“If you plan on shaving, make sure you shave for the time period leading up to it. I made the mistake of taking off too much facial hair the day of and it left some irritation.”
— via Reddit.com
You probably know this, but cologne ideally goes on after you’re dressed, not before. And go lighter than you think, because you’ll be hugging a lot of people up close all night. For the suit itself, our guide to wedding suits for men covers fit and timing.
Refillable Travel Cologne Atomizer
For the cologne you’ll want to reapply. Decant your scent into one of these so you can stash it in a pocket and freshen up before the reception without lugging a glass bottle around. One or two sprays after you’re dressed is plenty.
My husband can tell you exactly how that goes. He wanted a real tie-it-yourself bow tie, practiced for months, and then choked when it counted:
“I had practiced tying a bow tie for months. I watched YouTube videos over and over again until I could do it almost blindfolded. Then the day came and I had to get ready and I froze. I couldn’t remember how to do it at all. And I started to freak out that I was going to have to go tieless. Then something clicked and I was almost like Will Ferrell in Old School where he blacks out and rattles off the answer perfectly. Somehow it clicked and I was able to tie it.”
— Cory, my husband
Practice the fiddly stuff, but give yourself buffer time for the inevitable brain freeze.
Do this: Have a groomsman do a final once-over right before you walk, tie straight, shirt tucked, tag off the new shoes. You can’t see your own back.
Bring a Pen, and Hand Off the Logistics
Two things every groom needs and nobody packs: a pen for the marriage license, and a person who isn’t you running the show. You should not be fielding “where do the groomsmen go?” texts an hour before you get married. Put someone else in charge of the phone tree.
“Have someone other than the groom have all the groomsmen’s phone numbers and at least one bridesmaids phone number for coordinating or if someone is missing. Photographers will often do this but have all the groomsmen take their keys/phone/wallet out of their pockets before going up to the alter.”
— via Reddit.com
The move: Leave a copy of your vows with the officiant after the rehearsal, and stash any final vendor payment envelopes with your best man the night before. The fewer things in your pockets and on your mind, the better. Our list of things to do the week before the wedding has more of these.
Pack a Day-Of Kit (or Hand the List to Your Best Man)
Something always goes sideways, and the prepared groom has a little bag of fixes tucked away. You don’t even have to build it yourself, just forward the list to your best man.
“Pack a few travel sized extras like mints, a lint roller, Tide to Go stain stick, Downy wrinkle spray… break in your shoes a few days in advance if they are new… put a few tissues in your pocket in case the bridesmaid you’re escorting or the groom (or mother of the groom in the front row) starts tearing up.”
— via Reddit.com
Groom Wedding Day Emergency Kit
The “I’ve got it” bag. A pre-built grab bag of the stuff that saves the day, like stain wipes, a mini sewing kit, deodorant, a lint roller, and mints, in one travel pouch. Hand it to your best man so it’s his job to carry, and you’ll look like the most prepared groom anyone’s seen.
Get One Solo Portrait of Just You
The bride gets her solo bridal portraits without fail, but grooms almost always get skipped, usually because the guy feels awkward and rushes through it. Don’t. Ask your photographer for one strong portrait of just you in your full look, before the day gets away from everyone.
You Don’t Have to Talk to Every Single Guest
A lot of grooms spend the reception feeling rude if they don’t get to all 120 guests. You’re not.
“At this point, I’ve been to about 15-20 weddings and NEVER have spent more than a few minutes with the bride/groom, even at weddings < 50 people. Most guests are just happy to see the couple having a good time.”
— via Reddit.com
My husband’s honest flip side: the one thing he’d change was not getting to more people. “A wedding is a complete and total blur,” he says. “It’s impossible to get everything right, so just do your best, but I wish I’d talked to more people, even the ones I didn’t know well. It’s over before you know it.” So you don’t owe anyone a long chat, but do make the rounds when you can!
Be Present, Because It Really Does Go By in a Blur
Ask any married guy what he’d change and you’ll hear the same thing: slow down. A bridesmaid on Reddit nailed the mindset:
“This is a celebration of your love for your spouse, not a competition or opportunity to impress anyone else.”
— via Reddit.com
“It felt like a blur with excessive planning and prepping and almost never being present in the moment with your guests and appreciating the day… if we could relive the day again, we would be way more mentally present.”
— via Reddit.com
The fix is a couple of minutes alone with your person. More than half of couples now do a first look for exactly this reason, and my husband remembers ours like this:
“The first look was great because we both just started laughing. Neither one of us love being the center of attention so having everyone watch us looking at each other just made us both burst out into laughter. Obviously she looked gorgeous!”
— Cory, my husband
Even ten quiet minutes alone after the ceremony does the trick.
“One of my favorite moments was when my wife and I were in the bridal suite for about 10 minutes before the ceremony. We just sat, had champagne, and laughed together. We even took selfies and they’re some of my favorite photos from the day.”
— via Reddit.com
So handle the logistics early, hand off the rest, and leave yourself room to just stand there and take it in. Our Smart Wedding Planner keeps it all in one spot if you want it. And congratulations!! You’re going to do great.
Interesting tips from real grooms. Did any of them mention what they found most stressful on the big day?