If you’ve spent any time on wedding TikTok lately, you’ve probably seen the couple in England who had the groom’s grandparents, Brian and Jenny (82 and 80), toss the flower petals down the aisle instead of a flower girl. The clip has close to six million views. “George is so close to his grandparents so this meant the world to him,” the bride told Good Morning America.
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If there’s one group I hope you’ll think about early, it’s your grandparents! They almost never ask for a role. They get a corsage, a seat up front, and a whole lot of pride, and most of them would never dream of asking for more. And that’s the thing about grandparents at a wedding, the good ideas are usually the ones nobody requested:
So the sweetest thing you can do is give them a spot before they have to wonder if there is one. Below are nine ways to pull them in, some as big as walking you down the aisle, some as small as a phone call from the bathroom two minutes before you say I do. So, let’s start at the top!
1. Let Them Walk Down the Aisle
Traditionally, grandparents get seated in the row right behind the parents, and that’s about it for their grand entrance (Emily Post still lists them in that second row). But more and more couples are giving them an actual walk down the aisle. Grandma as a second flower girl, grandpa joining your dad to escort you, both sets coming in to their own song. Our guide to wedding processional order shows where everyone goes.
“Mine & my husband’s maternal grandmothers were both our flower girls! My grandma also got her H&MU done with us & I got her a corsage cuff.”
— via Reddit.com
Sweet idea: Pair your grandma with a young cousin or niece so they can walk down together. The little one gets a buddy, and your grandma gets a hand to hold. Just keep the walk short and give them an arm, since grass and cobblestone are a lot harder on a cane than they look.
2. Give Grandma the First Look Nobody Expects
Not every grandparent can make it through a whole wedding day, and the ones who can would still trade most of it for five quiet minutes with you in your dress. So give them that on purpose, with a private reveal a few weeks early or a spot in the getting-ready room. We love both! (If you’re still deciding whether a reveal fits your timeline, we broke it down in should you have a first look.)
“The thing I did that made my grandma the most happy was that I was able to get into my dress and done up for her a few months before the wedding. (She cared about my husband, sure, but what she really wanted to see was me in my dress). I had the dress shipped to my parent’s house so I was able to show her in person.”
— via Reddit.com
Pro tip: This is the moment everyone cries, so hand the criers something to cry into. A handkerchief monogrammed with grandma’s initials (or your late grandpa’s) is the kind of thing she’d never buy for herself, which is exactly why it lands.
3. Hand Them a Real Job in the Ceremony
There’s a real difference between being a guest and being needed, and grandparents feel it. Give them something to actually do and they’ll practice it for weeks. A reader for one of your wedding readings, a witness who signs your marriage license, the person who hands off the rings.
Smart move: Match the job to the person. A grandparent who loves an audience gets the dinner toast. The one who’d rather not be up front gets the quiet, official role of witness, which is arguably the most meaningful one anyway. Their name lives on your marriage license forever.
4. Let Her Lend You Something to Wear
Ask your grandma if there’s anything of hers you could wear, and brace yourself, because the answer is usually a story you’ve never heard. A bit of veil lace, a brooch, the necklace from her own wedding day. It costs you nothing, and it’s the same impulse behind the other ways couples honor their heritage on the wedding day, just pointed at one person you love.
“I also wore the same lace in my veil that she did (came from my great-grandmother’s wedding dress), her diamond necklace was my something borrowed, and I wore a diamond watch she and my late grandfather gave me for my 21st birthday.”
— via Reddit.com
We loved: Asking grandma to be the one to clasp the necklace or pin the brooch on you while you’re getting ready. The wearing is sweet. Her doing it with her own hands is the part you’ll remember. And if the original is too fragile, a seamstress can stitch a scrap of her dress into your lining instead.
5. Put Their Recipe (or Their Drink) on the Menu
Food is how a lot of grandparents say I love you, so let them say it at your reception. Grandma’s specific cake, the cookies she only makes at the holidays, grandpa’s go-to cocktail turned into your signature drink. Half your guests won’t know the backstory, but the people who do will get a little lump in their throat at the bar.
“I absolutely love the cake idea, my grandma was an amazing homecook and did a very specific very spanish cake for all her kids birthdays, and her grandpa every afternoon had a white martini in a coup glass, so including a mocktail on his honor will be a good addition”
— via Reddit.com
Don’t forget: A signature drink in grandpa’s honor works just as well as a zero-proof mocktail, so the grandparents who don’t drink anymore can still raise his glass. Name it after him, put the recipe on a little sign, and stand a photo of him next to it.
6. Play Their Song
An anniversary dance can be one of the sweetest moments of the whole night. If your grandparents are still dancing, this is the one to do. The DJ calls couples off the floor by years married, and your grandparents are almost always the last two standing. Cue their wedding song for that moment and you’ll have the whole room reaching for a napkin.
“My grandparents will be celebrating their 66th wedding anniversary on the day of our wedding! They are still quite mobile for their age and my partner and I have discussed having them start the dancing portion of the evening just the two of them to their wedding song.”
— via Reddit.com
Heads up: Track down their song early and send your DJ the exact version, since some older recordings aren’t on the usual streaming services. Need to fill out the rest of the night? Our list of the best processional and recessional songs from real DJs is a good place to start.
7. Build a “Love That Grew Us” Photo Table
This one is sneakily the easiest, and it’s the display guests crowd around all night. You set out framed wedding-day photos of your grandparents (and your parents) next to a little sign that says something like “the love that grew us.” It honors the grandparents in the room, the ones who couldn’t travel, and the ones who’ve passed, all in one spot.
“Instead of doing a memorial table, we had pics of our parents and grandparents on their wedding days. That way we could honor those in attendance (my paternal grandparents), those who couldn’t attend (my maternal grandmother), and those who have passed.”
— via Reddit.com
Rustic Folding Six-Photo Frame
Worth the table space. Six openings in one folding wood frame, so the wedding-day photos travel together and stand on their own (no wrangling a row of mismatched frames). It earns a spot on your bookshelf once the wedding’s over.
“it’s become a bit of a tradition in Ireland (and beyond maybe?) to have parents wedding photos on the cake table. Would you be able to include the grandparent photos (if you have access to them) on that table with the parents)? It’s a lovely way to celebrate your union and the love of those that brought you into this world, and it’s a showing a beautiful time/memory from their lives.”
— via Reddit.com
Pro tip: Scan the originals before the wedding. You do not want grandma’s only print of her 1959 wedding photo riding around in a box of centerpieces, and a scan means you can reprint it for a thank-you gift later. One bride pulled off something so sweet for her grandmother that we wrote it up on its own: a bride did the sweetest thing for her grandmother.
8. Carry the Ones Who Can’t Be There
Sometimes the grandparent you most want there is the one you’ve lost. There are gentle ways to bring them along anyway, from the classic ways to honor deceased loved ones (a reserved seat, a memorial candle) to small private gestures only you know about.
“I attached my grandmothers locket to my bouquet with pictures of my grandparents in it so they could be with me while I walked down the isle. Only a few people at the wedding knew I had done this, so it was my quiet way of honoring my grandparents.”
— via Reddit.com
Bouquet Memorial Photo Locket Charm
The little thing nobody sees but you. You slip a photo inside, clip it to your bouquet stem, and the grandparent you lost walks down the aisle with you (only you have to know it’s there). Hand it to your florist the morning of so it’s secured before the flowers leave the cooler.
“They halted the ceremony, made an announcement that this song was dedicated to so & so, and had a simple duo with a guitar go up and sing a song. I wish I could remember which one it was, because it was so beautiful. There was not a dry eye in the house, including my staff and I.”
— via Reddit.com
We loved: Keeping it private, if that’s what feels right for you. A locket pinned where only you can see it is the thing you hold onto when your hands are shaking at the top of the aisle.
9. Loop In the One Who Can’t Travel
A grandparent who’s too frail to fly can still be right there with you, and a little planning goes a long way. The simplest version is a video call at exactly the right moment. One bride made it the very first thing she did, before anyone else got to see her.
“I video called her right before the ceremony (literally right before! I was hiding in the bathroom waiting for it to start). So, aside from my sister who helped me get ready, and our officiant, my grandmother got to see and talk to me before anyone else did. It felt very special to show her my outfit and get some words of advice/encouragement in the moments leading up to the ceremony.”
— via Reddit.com
“If at all possible, I’d arrange for a small cake or tea cakes to be delivered to them, maybe even a small bottle of wine or champagne so they can share a toast with the two of you even if it has to be a quick, private toast.”
— via Reddit.com
“We sent both of them some of our engagement photos with a Christmas card. My aunt is visiting my grandmother right now so we got to face time and she got to see my dress. I’m debating trying to see if we can get her set up with a digital photo frame after the wedding with photos.”
— via Reddit.com
Smart move: Put someone in charge of the tech (not you, you’ll be busy!) and do a test call the day before, because venues are notorious dead zones for cell service.
You don’t need all nine of these. The beauty of weddings now is you can do whatever feels right for your family! Pick the one or two that fit the grandparents you actually have. If your grandma would hate being walked down the aisle, then don’t walk her down the aisle, and hand her the witness pen instead.
Your wedding is ONE day, and the phone call you make to ask grandma about her wedding song is its own kind of gift, the same way those little moments turn into the best parts of planning with your mom. If you want one spot to keep all of it, that’s exactly what our Smart Wedding Planner is for. Your grandparents have been waiting a long time for this one, so give them a front-row seat to it, in every sense!
