I’m super close with my mom. Like, talk five times a day on the phone close. She’s been there through every major event in my life, including first dates, first dances, first heartbreaks, first apartments, and the first time we both knew I had met the love of my life…my now husband! After three years and a move to another city later, she was also the first one asking “When are you two getting married?!” Like moms tend to do. 🙂
So when my now-husband popped the question (something she also knew about first!), we both immediately started thinking of a plan. Now, of course my fiancé was involved in every wedding planning decision, but let’s be honest. My mom and I were planning this wedding. For better or for worse, we spent the next year searching for venues, shopping for dresses (hers, too!), picking out flowers, and even planning my bachelorette party (which she went to…at least for the first half of the evening!).
From your wedding invites to the venue itself, most of your wedding planning choices will obviously involve your future spouse. But if you’re anything like me, a large percentage of the planning may also be done with your mom. And while it can be an amazing bonding experience between the two of you, there may also be times that you totally get on each other’s nerves (which is basically like any other moment in life. LOL). The key is to strike a balance, and make sure you are both not pushing each other too far. Here are five ways I bonded with my mom while planning my own wedding, below. Keep in mind that one or several of these things can also be done with your future mother-in-law or your step-mom, too! All moms are welcome! 🙂
1. Enlist Her Venue Help
This was, by far, what my mom and I spent the most time on (and one of the reasons why I started this website!). Because our families were scattered across the country, we started the search by looking at several different cities. While we ultimately decided on getting married in my hometown of Miami, we BOTH searched a countless number of hours online and off for the right venue, everywhere from Nashville to New Orleans. My mom and I even took a road trip together to Memphis (where we used to live) to see if there was a venue there we loved (and if there was one, my FH decided we would go back together to book it). There wasn’t, but spending those three days searching for a venue together was a great excuse for a girl’s trip. And, when it came to finding the wedding venue we ended up going with, we actually found it at practically the same time, both e-mailing each other late one night saying….”What about the Bath Club?!” After looking at 20+ wedding venues having your mom help you digest it all, along with your FH, is definitely my #1 piece of advice!
2. Trust Her Wedding Dress Opinion
I used to live in New York, so one of the first things I did after I got engaged was fly from Nashville (where we were living at the time) to NYC to visit with my girlfriends and start wedding dress shopping with them. We hit all the New York City wedding dress stores and had a great time doing it, but I wasn’t always sure I was getting their honest opinions. They liked everything! It was a super fun experience, but it wasn’t until I went wedding dress shopping with just my mom that I found the dress I love. First off it was an easier experience just wedding dress shopping with one person, and also I can always count on my mom to tell me what she thinks. As soon as I tried on my wedding dress, we both knew that was “the one.”
3. Follow Her Budgeting Advice
I was extremely lucky in that my parents paid for the majority of our wedding (we just paid for the DJ, Save the Dates/wedding invites, and my wedding shoes). But aside from that what was great was that my mom truly kicked butt at negotiating. She negotiated down our wedding venue fee, the cost of our alcohol (we could bring our own to the venue), flowers, vases…you name it. Nothing went outside our budget. In fact, we came in just under! Moms can be a great source of advice when trying to figure out what your wedding budget should be, and ways to stay in it.
4. Let Her Show You Her Bargain-Hunting Magic
I love a good sale as much as the next person, but if I need something chances are I’ll just buy it rather than attempt to find the 10% off version of it. My mom, however, is like NASA when it comes to finding sales. She can locate one from billions of light years away. So when it came to finding lace runners and candelabras for our reception tables or decor for our dessert table, she found some amazing deals that I don’t even think I could attempt to replicate today. Like I said, moms have magic.
5. Make Her One of the Girls
I know not all of you are as close with your mom as you may (or may not) want to be….and that’s OK! But most moms just want to feel included in your major life milestones. So when you can, try and include her in the actual fun parts of your pre-wedding itinerary, not just the ones above. For instance before my wedding shower (which she helped my sisters coordinate), we went to go get our hair done just the two of us, which was a great way to spend a quiet hour before the event. I also invited her to my bachelorette party! A group of 5 of us went out to dinner and dancing afterwards, and while my mom went home a couple of hours before I did (which I wish I had done after experiencing that hangover! LOL), it was really nice having her there to help me celebrate.
Chances are your wedding day will be a big blur, and if you’re anything like me you might be sitting here realizing that on your wedding day you didn’t actually get to talk to your mom as much as you would have liked to, or had the opportunity to pull her aside and thank her and give her the world’s biggest hug. But making sure to spend those moments together before your wedding will hopefully give you memories that will last long past your wedding day.
I love you, Mom!