13 Sweet Ways to Bond With Your Mom While Planning Your Wedding

I’m super close with my mom. Like, talk five times a day on the phone close. She’s been there through every major event in my life, including first dates, first dances, first heartbreaks, first apartments, and the first time we both knew I had met the love of my life…my now husband! After three years and a move to another city later, she was also the first one asking “When are you two getting married?!” Like moms tend to do. 🙂

So when my now-husband popped the question (something she also knew about first!), we both immediately started thinking of a plan. Now, of course my fiancé was involved in every wedding planning decision, but let’s be honest. My mom and I were planning this wedding. For better or for worse, we spent the next year searching for venues, shopping for dresses (hers, too!), picking out flowers, and even planning my bachelorette party (which she went to…at least for the first half of the evening!).

From your wedding invites to the venue itself, most of your wedding planning choices will obviously involve your future spouse. But if you’re anything like me, a large percentage of the planning may also be done with your mom. And while it can be an amazing bonding experience between the two of you, there may also be times that you totally get on each other’s nerves (which is basically like any other moment in life. LOL). The key is to strike a balance, and make sure you are both not pushing each other too far. Here are five ways I bonded with my mom while planning my own wedding, below. Keep in mind that one or several of these things can also be done with your future mother-in-law or your step-mom, too! All moms are welcome! 🙂

1. Enlist Her Venue Help

This was, by far, what my mom and I spent the most time on (and one of the reasons why I started this website!). Because our families were scattered across the country, we started the search by looking at several different cities. While we ultimately decided on getting married in my hometown of Miami, we BOTH searched a countless number of hours online and off for the right venue, everywhere from Nashville to New Orleans. My mom and I even took a road trip together to Memphis (where we used to live) to see if there was a venue there we loved (and if there was one, my FH decided we would go back together to book it). There wasn’t, but spending those three days searching for a venue together was a great excuse for a girl’s trip. And, when it came to finding the wedding venue we ended up going with, we actually found it at practically the same time, both e-mailing each other late one night saying….”What about the Bath Club?!” After looking at 20+ wedding venues having your mom help you digest it all, along with your FH, is definitely my #1 piece of advice!

2. Trust Her Wedding Dress Opinion

I used to live in New York, so one of the first things I did after I got engaged was fly from Nashville (where we were living at the time) to NYC to visit with my girlfriends and start wedding dress shopping with them. We hit all the New York City wedding dress stores and had a great time doing it, but I wasn’t always sure I was getting their honest opinions. They liked everything! It was a super fun experience, but it wasn’t until I went wedding dress shopping with just my mom that I found the dress I love. First off it was an easier experience just wedding dress shopping with one person, and also I can always count on my mom to tell me what she thinks. As soon as I tried on my wedding dress, we both knew that was “the one.”

3. Follow Her Budgeting Advice

I was extremely lucky in that my parents paid for the majority of our wedding (we just paid for the DJ, Save the Dates/wedding invites, and my wedding shoes). But aside from that what was great was that my mom truly kicked butt at negotiating. She negotiated down our wedding venue fee, the cost of our alcohol (we could bring our own to the venue), flowers, vases…you name it. Nothing went outside our budget. In fact, we came in just under! Moms can be a great source of advice when trying to figure out what your wedding budget should be, and ways to stay in it.

4. Let Her Show You Her Bargain-Hunting Magic

I love a good sale as much as the next person, but if I need something chances are I’ll just buy it rather than attempt to find the 10% off version of it. My mom, however, is like NASA when it comes to finding sales. She can locate one from billions of light years away. So when it came to finding lace runners and candelabras for our reception tables or decor for our dessert table, she found some amazing deals that I don’t even think I could attempt to replicate today. Like I said, moms have magic.

5. Make Her One of the Girls

I know not all of you are as close with your mom as you may (or may not) want to be….and that’s OK! But most moms just want to feel included in your major life milestones. So when you can, try and include her in the actual fun parts of your pre-wedding itinerary, not just the ones above. For instance before my wedding shower (which she helped my sisters coordinate), we went to go get our hair done just the two of us, which was a great way to spend a quiet hour before the event. I also invited her to my bachelorette party! A group of 5 of us went out to dinner and dancing afterwards, and while my mom went home a couple of hours before I did (which I wish I had done after experiencing that hangover! LOL), it was really nice having her there to help me celebrate.

Chances are your wedding day will be a big blur, and if you’re anything like me you might be sitting here realizing that on your wedding day you didn’t actually get to talk to your mom as much as you would have liked to, or had the opportunity to pull her aside and thank her and give her the world’s biggest hug. But making sure to spend those moments together before your wedding will hopefully give you memories that will last long past your wedding day.

Those were the five things that worked for us, and I’d do every single one of them again. If you’re looking for more ways to make wedding planning a bonding moment with your own mom (or whoever’s stepping into that mom-of-the-bride role for you), here are eight more ideas brides come back to us about year after year. Pick the ones that fit your relationship, skip the ones that don’t, and don’t feel like you need to do all thirteen. All moms are welcome here. 🙂

And to mine…I love you!

6. Pick Your Mother-Daughter Dance Song Together

Choosing your mother-daughter dance song is one of those decisions that can take five minutes or three months. We say make it three months and do it together on purpose. Sit down with her, pull up a list of options, and play through them, not in the car between errands but a real sit-down where you can talk about why each one hits or doesn’t. You’ll end up reminiscing about weddings she’s been to, songs she danced to with her own mom, songs that played on family road trips when you were little. The song you land on becomes a permanent piece of your wedding day, and choosing it together is half the magic. (If you need a starting point, our list of wedding songs for every moment of your day includes mother-daughter options brides actually use.)

7. Take Her Mother-of-the-Bride Dress Shopping

After everything she did to help me find my dress, getting to do it for her was one of the best afternoons of the whole planning process. I’ll admit I (very gently) vetoed a few of her early picks. But the second she stepped out in this beautiful Roberto Cavalli that just fit her, and fit our Bath Club venue perfectly, we both knew. Mother-of-the-bride dress shopping deserves more attention than it usually gets. She’s been picturing herself at this wedding for months, maybe years. Carve out a real day for it: lunch, a couple of stores, no one else along to weigh in. (For more on what to look for, our mother of the bride dress guide is a great place to start.)

8. Plan a “First Look” With Mom on the Wedding Morning

First looks with the groom get all the press, but a first look with mom is a moment you’ll watch back on video for the rest of your life. Have your photographer set it up: you fully ready in your dress, mom walks in, you turn around. That’s it. No agenda, no pose, just her seeing her daughter on her wedding day for the first time. We’ve talked to so many brides who said this was the moment they actually let themselves cry, before the makeup risk and the vows and the buzz of the day took over. It takes ten minutes and you’ll be glad you did it.

9. Bring Her to a Few Vendor Appointments (Cake Tasting Especially)

She doesn’t need to come to every meeting (you’ll burn her out fast that way), but pick two or three appointments where her presence makes them more fun than functional. Cake tastings are the obvious one. There is no scenario where eating five flavors of cake with your mom on a Saturday afternoon isn’t a good time. Florist visits and menu sampling are great too. We’d skip the boring stuff (transportation contracts, hotel block negotiations, anything involving a spreadsheet) and save her energy for the appointments she’ll actually love.

10. Wear or Carry Something of Hers Down the Aisle

If your something old or borrowed can come from your mom, do it. Her wedding veil, her pearls, the bracelet she wore on her own wedding day, a pendant from her mother. We’ve seen brides have a small piece of their mom’s wedding gown stitched into the lining of their own dress, or a ribbon from her bouquet wrapped around their stems. It’s a private detail no guest will see, but you’ll know it’s there all day. Ask her well in advance so she has time to dig through her boxes (or her mom’s boxes, if your grandmother saved things), and let her be part of choosing what gets passed down.

11. Look Through Her Wedding Album Together

If your mom has a wedding album (or a video, or a box of old photos), make a night of going through it with her early in your engagement. Get her talking about her own day: what she wore, what she loved, what she’d change, the speech her dad gave, the dress her bridesmaids wore that nobody actually picked themselves. You’ll learn things you’ve never asked, and you might find inspiration you didn’t know you wanted. Bonus: the conversation almost always pulls in stories about your grandparents, which is its own gift.

12. Make a Shared Pinterest Board or Planning Checklist

Wedding planning runs on shared documents, and there’s no reason your mom shouldn’t be on one with you. Build her a Pinterest board where you both pin (florals, dress inspiration, table settings, signage) or share a planning checklist so she can see what’s locked in and what’s still floating. You’ll skip a lot of repeat texts (“what color are the napkins again?”) and she’ll feel like she’s in the loop without having to ask. We have an ultimate wedding checklist that’s a great starting point if you don’t already have a system.

13. Write Her a Letter (and Give Her a Gift) the Morning Of

On the wedding morning, in the chaos of getting ready, take ten minutes to give your mom something that’s just hers. A handwritten letter is the best version of this. Write it the week before, when you actually have time to sit with it, and give it to her when she walks into the getting-ready suite. Pair it with a small gift she’ll keep forever: a piece of jewelry with your wedding date, a personalized handkerchief for the inevitable tears, a keepsake box for the cards and trinkets she’ll save from the day. A few of our favorites:

Snugahug “To Dry Your Happy Tears” Personalized Handkerchief

A soft cotton handkerchief printed with a sweet message and personalized with her name. The exact thing she’ll need (and keep) on the morning of the wedding.

See Pricing on Amazon →

MINUTESTRY Mother of the Bride Necklace

A delicate sterling silver pendant that comes pre-boxed with a meaningful message card. Pretty enough for her to wear on the wedding day and beyond.

See Pricing on Amazon →

Susabella Personalized Ceramic Heart Keepsake Box

A handmade ceramic heart-shaped box she can fill with cards, place settings, and trinkets from your wedding day. Custom text on the lid makes it specific to her.

See Pricing on Amazon →

Yalikop “Today a Bride, Tomorrow a Wife, Always Your Daughter” Acrylic Heart Keepsake

A standing acrylic heart printed with the line every mom of the bride wants to read. Easy to display on a mantel or a bedside table for years after the wedding.

See Pricing on Amazon →

Bonding With Your Mom During Wedding Planning: FAQs

What if I’m not as close with my mom as you are with yours?

This advice still applies. Pick the tips that feel doable and skip the ones that don’t. Bonding doesn’t have to mean you turn into best friends in nine months. Sometimes a small moment (going dress shopping together, splitting a slice of cake at the tasting, a single afternoon flipping through her wedding album) is all it takes to add one good memory to your shared history. That counts.

What if my mom and I disagree on wedding decisions?

Disagreements are part of planning a wedding with anyone you love. The trick is figuring out which decisions are yours alone (the dress, the vows, the wedding party) and which she has a real stake in (the guest list, especially the family side, and anything involving your extended family). Be generous about her stake in the things that involve her people, and firm about the things that are about you and your partner. Most disagreements solve themselves once you name out loud what each person actually cares about.

How can I include my mom in the planning if she lives far away?

Distance just changes the format, not the closeness. Schedule a weekly planning call (we love putting it on the calendar so it doesn’t slip), video-call her into your dress shopping appointment, share a Pinterest board so you’re both looking at the same things, and book her a flight in for one or two big-deal moments (final dress fitting, cake tasting, or a long planning weekend). Long-distance bonding takes more intention but it’s absolutely doable.

What’s a meaningful gift to give my mom from the bride?

Something personalized always wins over something generic. Look for pieces with your wedding date, her name, or a meaningful quote. Personalized handkerchiefs, sterling silver necklaces, ceramic keepsake boxes, and acrylic display pieces are all favorites among the brides we hear from. The Amazon picks above are a good starting point, and pairing any of them with a handwritten letter turns a sweet gift into a keepsake she’ll have on her dresser forever.

Should my mom give a speech at the wedding?

Only if she wants to and only if she’s a comfortable public speaker. Mom-of-the-bride speeches are a relatively new tradition (dad-of-the-bride speeches have always been the default) and they’re beautiful when done well. If she’s nervous, suggest she keep it under three minutes and write it out word-for-word. If she’s not interested, don’t push it. There are plenty of other ways for her to be part of the day, including some of the ones above.

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