Are you and your spouse planning on penning your own wedding vows? While a touch more modern, more and more couples are opting to write their own wedding vows instead of sticking with tradition these days. But writing your own vows can be SUPER nerve-wracking. What are you going to say? What’s your spouse going to say? What if you mess up? Or forget? What if your partner doesn’t like them….let alone the guests!?
Figuring out how to write wedding vows doesn’t have to be stressful. Follow a few basic guidelines and your vows will totally wow both your audience and the love of your life!
Agree on the tone.
Do you and your partner want to write wedding vows with one another beforehand? If not, it’s essential to discuss what type of tone you’re going for. If your spouse goes first and has the audience cracking up, it would be super awkward to get uber emotional and tear up while talking about how you’ll love each other for eternity. Discuss if you’re going to go the humorous, sweet-and-subtle, or not-a-dry-eye-in-the-house route. Also, decide if you’re going to simply have notes or the entire vows written out. Trying to memorize them is just adding more pressure to an already stressful moment, and you want to have the same note format so he’s not reading off a long sheet and you just have a couple of random notecards.
Go on YouTube and search “wedding vows”—the options are endless! Gather some thoughts on the types of vows you like, and then personalize them to you and your groom. Or, search Woman Getting Married—we have some great vow examples, too!
Write down some off-the-cuff thoughts about your relationship.
Why do you love your partner? How did you meet, and what initially attracted you to them? What was your first date like? Did you always know you’d marry them one day? What are you imagining life with them to be like? What kind of parent do you think they’re going to be? How did you feel when he got down on one knee and proposed? Scribble down some initial thoughts that you can then translate into some vows. Your vows should have a few sentences affirming your love for your partner, and you can take inspiration from milestones in your relationship.
Think of a few promises to make.
If you’re replacing “for richer or poorer, till death do us part,” think of what you’d like to say instead. I promise to always save you the last Diet Coke? I promise to never complain about how much time you spend working on your truck? I promise to never cheer for the Chicago Bears? The promises can be a great place to add a small touch of humor, and then end on a serious note, with something along the lines of “I promise to love you forever, through thick and thin, till death do us part.” This flow is a great nod to tradition while adding sprinkles of your own unique personalities.
Put it all together.
Consider mapping your vows like so: affirming your partner with a few sweet sentiments (“You have the most generous heart I’ve ever known, and you never ask for anything in return…”), a love quote, your promises, and a vow to love your spouse forever. Write it all down on a clean copy so that it looks great in photos and is easy to read.
Practice makes perfect.
Practice reading your vows out loud multiple times. If you don’t mind someone else hearing them before your spouse, read them to your maid of honor and get some feedback. Things can read very differently out loud than they sound in your head! Practicing will also help you speak slowly and clearly on your actual wedding day. You’ll most likely be nervous, so practice speaking extra slowly knowing that on the day of your wedding day you’ll probably speed up a tad. This is also a great opportunity to time yourself. Wedding vows should only be 1-2 minutes.
Good luck—you guys can do this! And remember, even if something goes wrong—you stutter, or he forgets a line—the important part is that you’re promising to love each other, and you’ll soon be married.